Domina “Doh-Meana-Thing To Me” DiBiase


Domina is once again awoken from her slumber by an alarm clock. It’s the same song she always wakes up to “Something to Talk About” by Bonnie Raitt. It’s way too loud, and a terribly annoying fucking song, but Domina doesn’t care. She hits the snooze and raises up in the bed, intentionally not turning the alarm off all the way so the downstairs neighbors have to hear it for the rest of the day. “I can’t believe I have to wake up so early,” she thinks to herself as she lethargically slumps towards the bathroom. It’s 9 a.m. and she should have been at work already, but she doesn’t care. As the shower is heating up, Domina is thinking about how bad she has to pee. She’s not going to use the toilet though, an appliance that was specifically designed to be pissed in and is not even a full step away. That’d be far too benign of an action for this brooding menace. She is intentionally holding her bladder full of bodily waste and toxins so she can pee in the shower, knowing full well that other people will have to stand on the urine tainted shower floor thereafter.

On her drive to work, Domina is blasting NPR at a dangerously high listening volume and passes through the first two stops signs without coming to a complete stop. This reckless behavior forces a single mother to slam on her brakes and spill coffee on her four year-old daughter, who was on the way to her first day of preschool. The daughter sustains minor-burns and begins to cry. Domina continues on her way to work, carelessly leaving a trail of chaos and destruction in her wake. She needs gas but refuses to stop at the Cumberland Farms on the way, because she hates Cumberland Farms, a sentiment shared only amongst the darkest of souls.

Do you ever imagine you’re running over a group of tiny people when you drive through a patch of leaves blowing across the street? Domina does. As a matter of fact, she did right before she pulled into her office parking lot, while laughing and making gruesome explosion noises under her breath. After parking her 2012 Toyota Corolla horizontally across three parking spots, she makes her way inside. It is now 9:42 a.m., this makes her over half an hour late. She doesn’t care. Once inside, she breezes past the front desk where her co-worker, Susan, sits. “Good morning, Domina,” Susan says. Susan is wearing a brand new shirt and polite office etiquette dictates that Susan should be complimented on the new garment. It should be acknowledged at the very least. Domina simply says “Hi.” and walks past Susan, which breaks Susan to the very core. As Domina continues marching to her corner office, Susan begins sobbing so violently she wets her pants and other office workers rush over to console her. “No Susan, it’s a nice shirt,” they say. “I’m sure she just didn’t notice.” But Domina did notice, she just didn’t care.