by: Snake and Tea
You always wanted to make a movie, haven’t you? You have everything you need, but all that state of the art equipment doesn’t mean shit if you don’t have any clue what to make your movie about. Eventually that guy who has to hold up the microphone on a boom is going to say “fuck this” and walk out if you got nothing good for him to record. Lucky for you, here at Snake & Tea we’re in the business of making your dreams become a reality. Take a gander at this list of HOT movie ideas we’ve been cooking up that are begging for a spot on the silver screen! We’re willing to let them go for dirt cheap too, even though you’re probably a rich kid. **Like more than a few? Ask about special bundle prices!**
**BARTER OPTIONS NOW AVAILABLE**
“Will it Away”
Literally about a guy’s friend named Will who has the magical ability to cure any disease. Except Herpes. Which, ironically enough, is the only disease he chronically suffers from. Told from Will’s friend’s perspective.
Price: $3.85, or one beer at a bar of your choosing
“The Pummel Horse”
A young man weasels his way into a position at a prestigious all-boys school by claiming he can drop the school’s notoriously high bullying rate. His solution? A class he made-up called “emotional gymnastics”. The intended curriculum being that he encourages the students to take notes on the range of emotions they feel every week, then openly talk about them in front of the class. However, it’s not long until he begins to have flash backs of the days he was bullied in school. As a result, he begins to force the children into break downs during class, through the use of fear-tactics and intimidation. He is fired a few weeks later. The remainder of the movie is him defending his actions in a court of law. It’s supposed to be a comedy.
Price: $9.95, or bar-style nachos at a bar of your choosing
What are some of the hottest blockbusters coming out of Hollywood right now? If you thought “Board game adaptations”, you were right! That’s why we came up with this red-hot concept, based on the classic 90s interactive game for tiny children. The drooling babies that grew up playing this game aren’t little boys and girls anymore; they’re grown savvy consumers with trendy haircuts, Robinhood apps, and money 2 burn! However, we’ll have to make this a gritty reboot to get their money. Not a problem, because Mister Bucket will make a perfect villain. Not only is he a terrible bucket (he just spits out whatever you put in him, what good is a defiant bucket?) but his ability to hover around the floor while flailing his arms gives him a downright satanic quality. He is a true anti-bucket. In this suspense/thriller, an ancient Mister Bucket is introduced into an upper-middle-class family’s house in Flushing, Queens. The family’s nanny (played by Fran Drescher) is suspicious of this strange new toy, and for good reason. As the evil Mister Bucket gains more power from the children’s attention, he finally becomes completely autonomous and is out for blood. Locked in the house Fran has to protect the children (all played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) from the sentient bucket after it devours their parents in their sleep. Equipped with the ability to project something gross and/or scary out of it’s mouth (your choice i.e. bees, rats, tiny Steven Tylers), this will be no easy fight. Will they make it out alive? That’s up to you!
**Huge potential for sequels! Mrs. Bucket, Son of Bucket, Bride of Bucket the list goes on!**
Price: $86.75, or 9 pitchers of light-beer at a bar of your choosing and a ride back to our place (poster included)
“I Can’t See Me”
In a tragic and ironic turn of events, pro-wrestling super star John Cena becomes a vampire. After years of people not being able to see him, now he can’t see his own reflection. Despite his father’s (a humble hot-dog salesman who owns and operates a cart on the town green, played by Jon Voight) support of his new vampire lifestyle, John is having a hard time adjusting. Mostly due to the fact that his long time crush, and notorious vampire hater (Kate Hudson) is a clerk at the local Mirror Store. If he goes in, she’ll discover he is a vampire… if he doesn’t, she’ll marry his nemesis Pheten Dockerson (played by Jason Alexander in a toupee). What will he do? Hilarity and hot-dog eating ensues.
Price: It’s not the best, but since you read this far… this one is on the house! Cheers! We’ll still be at the bar though, if you wanted to come hang out.
If any of these appeals to you, please contact us! At these low prices, they won’t last for long. The barter options ARE flexible, but we would still insist that they remain items you can get us at a bar (hence the term bar-ter). Also, just to sweeten the pot a bit more, here is a little taste of what kind of movie posters we are capable of producing: